My incapacity of crying makes me laugh

Dry. Completely dry. I got everything. I got the best movies, I got the sad songs, got the books and got the wrong men. Dry. Not even one tear, none. Nothing. Maybe I've become nothing, maybe I'm just so used to it that I got tired of it. My body got tired of it. Crying. What is it anyway? Just another weak way to show how you feel or the way you show that you feel? Anything. Just give me something I can get pissed at. Just one single thing that makes me angry. Anger. I don't remember the last time I got angry at something. Really angry. You know why? Because I understand. I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING! EVERY FUCKING THING. And why? So I can live better? No. I was built like that, and I don't like it. I used to cry all the time. Even when I wasn't supposed to. Speacially when I wasn't supposed to. Love? What the hell am I supposed to do with love? All that love. All that lack of love. I got reasons to be angry, I got reasons to cry, of course I do. Then why now did my body, my eyes, refuse to express what's going on my mind? So many questions. Usually I'm the one who answers them. Everybody. I am the answer to every question. Just ask me anything, I'll give a hundred answers to the same thing. I think. And then I think again, there's always something more, isn't there? It's not just about coincidences, things happen for a reason right? I got the reason. I always get it.
Here's one thing, I am tired to answer my own questions. Can somebody do the hard work for me once? Can somebody answer me or tell me something I don't already know? Gimme something to think about, give me something I didn't JUST tell you. Surprise me. Make me feel surprised. Give me a whole new vocabulary, be hard on me, make me THINK. Make me feel. Cause that's what I want, I wanna feel, and I mean really feel. Touch my soul, punch me in the face with reallity. Make me believe you believe in me. Give me that. I'm sure I deserve it. I deserve more than being just a shoulder you can rely on. Where's my shoulder? Where is my loyalty? Be loyal. Be true to me. Be honest. Keep your word. Everybody is just so used to be my child. I wanna be somebody's child. I want a partner, a real one. All this make believe that I live in...I know that's not real, I want real.
This, as you make think, it's not about him, or him, or anybody. This is about me. This is me wanting something that, for once, is about me. ME. Let's talk about me, let's talk about you but please, let's be real! Let's be honest to each other. All the time we would spend trying to make each other understand, we don't need that. I already got it but, have you? Have you ever thought about something besides yourself? This is a question to everybody, have you ever really thought about anything but yourself? Can you live with yourself? Do you know how to be alone? Do you know waht it's like to be homeless? Do you know how does it feel not having anyone to call at night?
And please, do you know how to make any kind of relationship not get boring? That's obviously impossible but, have you ever tried? Have you ever tried to make each day a new day? Have you ever fought for something or someone? Have you ever LOVED? Do you understand what LOVE is? Can you define it? Of course not. People don't try, they wanted it ready, and when it's not, they just get tired of it. And I am tired of people who get tired. Do you see the fire? Do you seek for fire? Are you passioned? Do you seek for anything? Why do you live? Have you ever thought about it? What are you doing? Do you consider yourself wise? Do you know what wisdom means? Do you know? Ask yourself that, what are you? what are you made of? what do you want? Cause I want answers, or new questions. Are you still capable of crying? Can you tell me why I am not? Can you tell me anything?
Strength. I am strong, maybe a little too much. Maybe that's just the way I am. That's not for sale, that's not something you can buy, strenght. It comes with time, you have to fight for it. You have to fight to be strong. Because one day you're gonna wake up and everything will be gone, and you will breathe no more. So, are aware of that? What's this that you're doing? Did you leave anything behind? Did you give something? What can we share? For those who think this all bullshit I say no. You bet I'll get my grand finale.


Once again, thank you Cameron Crowe for showing me, for giving me reasons to be real.