"Here's what he doesn't know yet --
I disappear into the person I love.
I am the permeable membrane. If I
love you you can have it all: my
money, my time, my body, my dog, my
dog's money, my dog's time...
If I love you I will carry all your
pain, I will assume your debts, and
project upon you all sorts of fine
qualities that you have never
actually cultivated in yourself.
Oh. And I will buy Christmas
presents for your entire family.

I will give you all this and more
until I am so exhausted and
depleted that the only way I can
recover is by becoming infatuated
with someone else."

just keep following the heartlines in your hand

Aqui é sempre um dia chuvoso. Aqui nao se quer mais ser exposto nem se falar em primeira pessoa. Aqui ja nao se soltam livremente os pensamentos livres sem medo. Aqui se tem medo. Aqui ja nao mais se encontra. Aqui ja se modificou, morfou, mofou. Aqui se seguem as linhas da mao. Aqui ja passou da hora, esta atrasado. Por que é mais facil falar de dor e medo do que descoberta, liberacao e alegria?

Aqui mora a nostalgia, meu amigo.

New Year's Eve

I really like your arms...
                      - they like you too ;)

Happy Hanukkah!

You came! You're here!
Just what I needed right now, perfect timing, mate!
I called you, shaking it out... thanks for helping me clean my back.
I love how you helped me paddle faster.
I love how you know how and when to calm me down.
Thanks for helping me bury that horse.
I love how you surprise me, me (!), the one who cannot be surprised anymore.
Thanks for keeping me on my toes.
Thanks for your duality.
You got the gist.
Made me write again.
Cheers!

Calaaaaaados!

Vamos mudar o mundo!
Simbora escrever um livro sobre a sociedade injusta e irreal, uma cancao subjetiva com letra protestante, um blues raivoso e cheio de alma doente de tanta falta de alma e falsa modernidade. Eu nao me importo com nada que fale a respeito de uma massa aonde eu nao me incluo, nao perco meu tempo pensando que, mesmo a minha maior vontade e tentativa, terao o minimo resultado nesse mar imundo. Nao tenho paciencia para pseudo intelectuais, ambientalistas e qualquer tipinho blaze tentando me fazer sentir menos por nao fingir que me preocupo com o que acontece com gente que nao conheco. Tambem nao acho que deveria, desisti de tentar entender e de perdoar a raca humana. Assim como eu, somos todos escrotos egoistas e egocentricos, obviamente, existem niveis de escrotisse e eu escolho me relacionar com os menos asquerosos. Eu sei que, se todos fizerem sua parte, talvez algo melhor aconteceria mas, eu sou a mariazinha chata do maternal que acha que, se joazinho nao precisa fazer, eu tambem nao preciso. E nao acho que devo satisfacao a ninguem a respeito do meu ponto de vista, tambem nao tenho paciencia pra discutir isso. Cada um no seu quadrado! Nao faca aos outros o que nao quer que facam a voce! Mate com docura! Admita que, em tudo que lhe acontece, voce tem culpa sim! Nao coloque a responsabilidade do seu sucesso em qualquer outro que nao seja voce mesmo! Faca o que tiver vontade e sempre, sempre, diga a verdade a voce mesmo.

Nao tenho mais paciencia pra esse post, nem pra nada que me fez querer escrever tudo isso.

Unable

I use to breathe and live by love, give it to the most unfortunate and unlikely to receive it
my love was charity and compassion, for the return of selfless love is the most precious treasure one can have.
Little do they tell that, once love is given it cannot be taken back. Perhaps I gave all of mine, come to think that it might take an eternity to get some of it back.
As I stand here, loveless, millions of different feelings come to place: lust, hunger, coldness of being, passion, hate. Began to think my heart's grown hard and tough with no place for warm sentiments or kindness towards another who tries to get in. Began to think others were unworthy of my love or even I was unworthy of my love. Began to forget how it was to live on an edge of madness caused by somebody else whom I despise today. Miss the feelings, never the men. Believe I haven't, to this day, met even half of the person one should be to deserve such complex appreciation as mine. Would like to think I earn no regrets, would like to think every mistake was necessary and every fall a new beginning. I wish these veins on my hands could let you know where they've been. I wish I could showcase all the people (men) who made my chest so hard and who killed all the butterflies in my stomach. Wish I still had the colors to showcase the ones who made me cry and pour out joy into words. Of all the ones I loved, all the ones I cried for and out of all the ones that made my days worth living, the ones I haven't met and the moments I still haven't lived are, certainly, the ones that I miss and what makes life hurt the most, for it is the uncertainty of fulfillment that moves me and kills me every day.

Raphael

Oh if it isn't for the souls of the lost in the abyss of oblivion
for the hands that longed to touch the invisible
feel the unimaginable
there's the dream of conquering all of the impossible
learning the inexplicable

loving the despicable
as in the day I saw your eyes for the first time
two black holes into which I fell
never to return to surface again
for then, I knew, once seen the future
the present had nothing left to give

but time
time as in waiting and waiting the best way one can
loving the despicable
learning the inexplicable
conquering the impossible
feeling the unimaginable
touching the invisible
falling into oblivion

as the sounds of glory loudly make their way into the crowd
two black holes guide me towards the infinite
for in your eyes reside all glory, fear and regret
the guilt of not being enough
but the hope of being tragic enough for
 romance

and so we lie in tragedy and silence
and in silence we find bliss
answers in discomfort
solitude in being together
for it is best to find love in silence
than passion in chaos

it is best to be intrigued by coldness
than to feel safe with warmth
and I'd rather live a thousand years in your silence
than only one second in your loudness

your hands and wrists are keys to my abyss
in which I'll keep you
for every time I fall.